If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one
If a Socialist doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed
If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Socialist is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A Socialist wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Socialist is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a black man or hispanic are Conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their Socialist counterparts see themselves as victims, in need of government protection.
If a Conservative is down and out, he thinks how to better his situation.
A Socialist wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Conservative doesn't like a talk-show host, he switches channels.
Socialists demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Socialist non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced (unless it's a foreign religion, of course)
If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or chooses a job that provides it.
A Socialist demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a Socialist slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans theatrically, and then sues.
If a Conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a laugh.
A Socialist will delete it because he is "offended".